What you cannot take..

i am posting my last 2 blogs, they're both very important to the other, love and blessings to you all, Briana

Morning of 10.27.09
Once again I feel I have so much to say but am at a loss for words. Not to worry I always seem to make ends meet as you can see J. Class was good today we once again had a guest speaker/teacher. Her name is Vivianna and she is from the Buenos Aires Base here in Argentina. We are currently learning about the renewing of our minds in god. Taking in that world vision we learned about and putting it into practice. Its been good but yet challenging. My accomplishment for today has been successfully saying my weekly bible verses in 3 languages; although it is extremely short, I’m very proud of myself; german, English, and Spanish. [[Genesis 1:1]]
This morning in my quiet time with god I decided not to go to my hill, instead I stayed in my room and just prayed for awhile and waited on god, I’ve had a few questions for god lately, just in general about my personal life, where I should stand on a few matters and I feel he hasn’t been very clear with me on what to do. So in my quiet time I quietly uttered under my breath lord, maybe I’m asking the wrong questions.. All I know is I feel I truly need your answers... at that I just waited. Praised god, to the best of my ability, and thanked him for this opportunity to be in his presence.
As I sat there I felt god showing me an image of me and the other students writing down all the things that we hold so tightly, our own dreams, wants, desires, aspirations.. My list wasn’t very long by any means but described my hearts desires so vividly… a husband, many children,family, the dream house, and of course all the animals that will live with me and my large family in my large dream house. after writing all these things down, we were asked to crumple the paper up and throw it into a large bin… where they were all burned.
In that moment god revealed his heart to me. What he was trying to say to me in my vision was so clear. He was asking me to die to myself, to my own dreams and to follow him; no matter what the conditions. Maybe I’ll never have the dream house, maybe I wont live the comfortable life I want to live in the United States, but one thing I’m sure of is.. I will no matter what, have god. I’ll be the first to admit, that this is still challenging me tonight as I sit here and write this blog. I’m yet to surrender this all to him, but praise god for the revelation. I’ve never realized how selfishly I’ve so tightly held onto these dreams, and never made way for god to speak to me about where HE wants me, or where HE has called me to be.
Being open and willing to that is something that has greatly challenged me, up until this day I had my mind set on..returning to the united states, and serving god in the comfort of my own country, my own state, my own city.. however, god is asking me to open my heart to what may lie ahead. Whether its in another country or not, goodness I wish I knew.. Unfortunately god didn’t reveal to me the juicy details.. Just the heads up to be prepared. Praise god for this alone though. He is truly good. So to all those reading this, your prayers at this time for an open heart for me would be most appreciated, for strength as well, and also to see his plan through eyes of understanding, through …his eyes, and not my own. Blessings to you all! Thank you for thinking of me, for keeping me in your prayers and for the encouragement as well!

EVENING OF 10.28.09
To all who are reading this, I feel blessed to have my words to give you, blessed to breath my air I’m breathing and blessed to once again, be in the presence of god. What a day, Today… October 28th, 2009. My heart is heavy and I’m fighting to find the words to start this.. Explanation of my day. I woke up this morning feeling gods presence heavy on my heart, I didn’t sleep well, and I havent for the past 3 days, something just hasn’t been settling right in my soul. I’ve consistently had nightmares the past 3 days, which is a whole other topic but anyways, back to my morning..
I have breakfast duty this week so I went into the kitchen, helped make breakfast, ate my breakfast and went back to my room. Not that special of a morning really. From 8 till 9 is my quiet time, for me and god.. I decided that today, I was just going to stay in my room and pray. I sat down on my bed and I felt like god was urging me to make the list of all the things of this world that I’m bound to, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually..the list he had so vividly shown me in day before in my vision My list was unfortunately long. Full of things that made my heart ache. Things that greatly challenged me in my day to day walk with Christ. I sat there and prayed over my list asking god to help me surrender each and every one of these things I had written down on that piece of paper. As I explained in my last blog I had a vision of all of us burning these things we were bound to. So, I decided I would burn my paper. I got my paper, grabbed my ipod, grabbed a few matches and decided I would head to my hill.
Before I continue I need you all to know that the purpose of this posting is to DECLARE GODS GLORY and not to show his unfaithfulness to me, or his “weakness” by any means. God is good, and I’ll stand behind that, for the rest of my life,no matter what the conditions
I walked down the street, my hill is 2 blocks away, I got a block down the road and turned, there was another man walking down the street towards me, probably around 19 or 20, 5’9, dark skin, dark hair, he had a blue sweatshirt on, and curled up jeans.. He was also wearing black nike tennis shoes. I’ll never in my life forget him, Never. Sometimes, when you see someone or something, it just doesn’t settle right with you, but if you’re me... you shake it off.. I mean.. why would anyone want to hurt …me? his eyes pierced my heart, he had such an awful look, I just.. I cant even explain to you how unsettling it was. I quickly continued past him, looking away and avoiding anymore eye contact. I got to the end of the block and turned back to make sure he wasn’t behind me.. he was nearly 2 blocks away by then… no where near.. Me. I continued on.. Walking up the front of my hill.. I walked down the other side just a bit to catch a glimpse of gods vast city he has blessed me with… I began to cry out to god, surrendering every word on my list.. I only got to number 2... out of probably 10 things.. As I stood there, I verbally declared to god, “lord, I‘ll go where you want me, I lay down all the desire of my own heart, my life…is not my own. I HAVE NO FEAR…IN YOU.” …verbally… crying these things out to the lord.. and suddenly …
his arms were around my neck and my stomach… at first I thought it was one of my classmates playing a joke.. I turned my head to catch a glimpse of who it was and I was punched across the face.. the reality of the situation set in.. he had followed me to my spot, to my secret oasis with the lord.. I frantically struggled to get away from this oh so familiar figure… and he threw me to the ground…I have never had a fear like this in my life, I’ve never been so…so.. Frantic. I screamed and I fought.. And goodness.. Did he fight back.. He repeatedly hit me.. Over and over, This young man, came to rob me, rob me of.. The worldy materials I would so willingly just hand over if I knew that’s all he wanted. He ripped my headphones from my ears, in attempt to steal my ipod, which I did not realize was what he wanted.. In attempts to protect my body from more abuse I rolled to my side on the ground and reached to pull my ipod out of my pocket.. he ripped it from my hands, and kicked me as hard as he could in my stomach…and ran…
I struggled to catch my breath, by the time I got up, he was nearly 2 blocks away.. blood was coming from my mouth, I was covered in filth and had but seconds to react. I started walking back to my house, in a complete daze, so fearful of everything.. My insecurity of the world set in, and I frantically began to run back to my house.. As I arrived.. I stumbled in shaking with fear.. I fell to my knees…and began to weep. he robbed me of so much more than an ipod at that very moment, he robbed me of my security, in my faith in others, in my trust… my classmates flew to my side. Did there best to console me and began to pray for me.
As I wept in fear, I looked to the lord and said, “I need you to show me you‘re here, I need to know I‘m gonna be ok.” we prayed.. And prayed.. And prayed… One of my classmates turned to me and said.. “Briana, the enemy is attacking you, because he sees the power you have with god, he sees the great things you can do through JESUS, and he‘s going to do everything he can to stop you, because he fears you .” What a thought, the enemy fears…me? In this very morning the enemy came to rob me of my peace, of my progress in the lord, and of my joy. He came to put me in the box I came in; my box of fear. My box that told me to go home, to give up, to depend on the things of the world. Friends.. Family.. I’m here to tell you that the enemy failed. God is good, I would relive it all, for the love that I feel from christ tonight. the overwhelming agape love I’ve never experienced..
I’m scared, I wont lie to you. I’ll probably never go back to that hill again I do see everyone as a threat right now, and I’m terrified to leave my house. But god is good, and when he says go, I’ll go. I’m human I have my fears as well but I also stand on something so much greater than my worldly fears.. Which is the love of Christ Jesus my Savior.
My greatest challenge now is to pick up the pieces, dust off my shoulders and march on; to do exactly what I said I would do, moments before he came for me.. NOT live in fear, and live to serve. tonight I’m doing my best to embrace the love of god, to march on, and to be brave, because nobody ever said doing the work of the lord.. Would be easy.
Friends and family, I need you tonight. I need you to pray for me, that I have strength, that I have peace in my soul, and most of all that I come to a point of healing. I love you for being here with me in prayer tonight, I love you for fighting this spiritual battle we have here lying in front of us. Thank you. truly.. Thank you. Pray for that young man, for his salvation, that through this god may minister to his life, that he may stumble upon something amazing, that he would have a radical revelation.. Of gods love.

Again, I love you, I thank you and I wish many blessings upon you all, Briana Kay Santana.

Blessed

so i dont have much to say other than, i feel so very blessed to have what i have. every morning i walk a block away from my house and stand on this hill and pray, talk to god and listen to my music. I've taken a picture to show you my view but let me tell you this doesnt even begin to explain how beautiful it really is. i'm truly blessed to be here, to be able to experience gods presence, and grow so much in my faith. Again, thank you to those who are supporting me through their prayers, i am so grateful for your kindness! if there is anything i can pray for you for let me know! i can be reached through email at santana170@hotmail.com or if you just have something to say, hello or whatever else.. thats fine too! love to all those back home<3

Physical Challenge

Another exhausting day, I’m so warn, so tired. We’ve had a guest speaker named Alejandro Cruz from Buenos Aires here for about a week and today was his last day, and for class he decided he would put into action what we had learned. He told us to go to our rooms and pack everything we needed for the day, and we only had 5 minutes. You should have seen all us girls flip our room upside down like the world was coming to end. I think I had one of the heavier bags J but maybe not quite.
My bag consisted of my very large wallet, a HUGE water bottle because it was around 102 degrees today so definitely needed that, makeup incase I needed to do a touch up (so very important you see) bronzer, foundation, mascara, all that jazz J lotion for my alligator hands, chapstick, sunscreen, a mirror, my bible and a change of clothes which consisted of capris and a t-shirt. As you can imagine this load was not light, however, these are my necessities for life. In my short 5 minutes I jammed it all in a beach bag and ran back to the class room; of course I was the last to arrive and everybody was heading out of the house to go.
We walked about 5 blocks in the blazing heat, and arrived at the near by park.. I was not happy to be there, this meant I was probably going to spend my afternoon in the amazing wonderful 102 degree weather we have here in Argentina. JOY! My leader Alejandra started to explain how all of us students are now a team, everything we brought is for everyone, and that we had to work together in this game we were going to play. We had to start at point A and get everyone and all there belongings to point B. HOWEVER, the ground was water, and to get to point B you had to wear the magical shoes. To say the least the game did not go well, our team never made it, we never got everyone across however god taught us all quite a big lesson. How we acted during the game really reflected our true character, many times my team mates gave up, sat down, got frustrated, wasted time disagree and well I did what I thought would help and tried to take over, but you cant make anyone do anything, in the end, he offered us one more chance to figure it out and in defeat I decided to opt out of taking the second chance. I think that’s where I failed, it was easier to take the label of defeat than to suffer longer and strive for success. All in all though it was a good challenge for my character and for my classmates. I put together a small video for you to watch of our day, and I plan on uploading it either later today or tomorrow its not working right now so I need to change a few things first! Love to all!

Finally an UPDATE :)

To all those who have been keeping up with me I apologize for not updating more! This past week has been very hectic, and I’ve had some major “soul surgery” going on. None the less, I thank you for baring with me, and for all your love, support, and prayers. I feel so much has gone on between god and I, I quite frankly don’t even know where to begin. This is most definitely a time of Trial and error; a time of falling down, and learning to get back up.
My most recent challenge has been, OBEDIENCE. God has really stretched me in the past two days, and although I feel overwhelmed at times, his peace is constantly consuming me for the fact that, that is his promise, that through our obedience we shall be delivered. BUT it may not always be on our time, or in the way we like it.
Every day from 2 to 4 we have service time, and yesterday during service time I was assigned to clean the office which is small, so it unfortunately only takes me around 45 minutes. After doing this I randomly cleaned a few other things and then headed to my room just to rest. I laid down on my bed and as I was just about to snooze off I heard god say, “Go help those in the the kitchen sweep and mop both the kitchen floor and the hallway, and do it out of obedience to me, and when you are done, offer your help to 2 others.” I laid there still frustrated not wanting get up.
I constantly tell god what I want, and never take time to listen to his hearts desires. I mean, could god really find delight in me sweeping and mopping the kitchen? Low and behold, I’ve come to find out.. HE CAN and HE DOES. So I got up, headed to the kitchen picked up the broom and started to clean and in my service time there, god spoke volumes to me. He revealed to me apart of my heart, I once again had neglected to see. Although I had done my job, and done it well, I had not stretched myself. We as Christians often find ourselves being stretched in more than one way, when and if we choose to be obedient to gods calling.
He reminded me of how I desire Family, a Husband, Multiple children and do nothing more than just that; Be a MOTHER.And he by no means wasted anytime to say that if I so deeply desire this I need to start first with my obedience to HIM, my first and most important priority. And when that obedience comes, I one day will have the discipline to also be obedient in serving my one day, husband and children. Don’t get me wrong, I by no means think god was degrading me or telling me that I’m not good enough, for I know nothing I do or say can change the way god loves me. He loves me just as I am, no questions asked. That’s the most beautiful thing I think I’m learning in this all.
So I cleaned, and cleaned and cleaned; and when I finished I offered my help but service time was practically over so everyone was finishing up. what a revelation… god takes interest in..me. even the small things. I mean I don’t think that was the purpose of it all, but what a blessing to stumble upon this, challenge. We had a half hour free time afterwards and god challenged me to commit not only my Tuesday through Saturday mornings from 8-9(my quiet time with god) to him, but to stretch myself and to do Sunday and Monday mornings as well, MY FREE DAYS. he also challenged me to grow in my knowledge of him, by diving into his word.. Just a little more.. 4 verses in the morning, and 4 verses in the night.
To me that was being STRETCHED, probably just to the point of still being comfortable, and I believe we as Christians are rarely in a state of… being comfortable. J but that’s the joy of loving the lord. This morning I went for my run, and when I got back I began to read my 4 verses before breakfast I read Esther 1-4 and began to reflect. God opened my eyes to how Esther fasted for her people, for they were all to be killed(the Jews) in just a few days. She fasted for them, because they were needy. I think another part of walking in obedience is also learning to obey god in every way shape and form.
God called me to fast this morning, I had just ran for nearly 45 mintues, I was starving and god says, fast for those around you in need. to all my beloved friends and family, let me tell you, that was a challenge to obey. I was hungry, tired already and not really wanting to think of others, terribly selfish we are as humans sometimes. But in order to walk just a little farther in my obedience I fasted I spent my quiet time in deep prayer for a list of people god gave me and waited on him for answers.
You see.. obedience is not something you can decide you have, its something you must work to obtain. Maybe its by starting to just take baby steps towards being more obedient, or maybe gods calling you to take a leap of faith. Friends.. Family, where ever you are today, in your life, in this very moment, I pray god shows you obedience like he has so graciously shown me. I pray for all of you that he shows that unconditional love to you<3 because its nothing I can explain or even try to give you, however it is something I so desperately desire for you..
thank you to those who read this, thank you so much for thinking of me. It warms my heart to know I have people cheering me on, all over the world. what a blessing you all are. If there is anything I can possibly do for you, let me know; although my resources are semi limited I have the power of prayer, and the love of jesus christ on my side. And we as Christians are called to love. I’m here to do just that. Again I thank you, you’re all in my thoughts and prayers! Blessings, Briana Kay Santana.

Trusting in Him

I think today i realized that sometimes to overcome something you have to realize you cant. you have to come to the end of yourself, and break to the point where you are so weak, that you're strong; in him at least. for days i was fighting with god, i felt like a 2 year old who was on the floor kicking and screaming demanding my way; i didnt want to be here, i didnt want to stay somewhere i felt so uncomfortable. yesterday morning i was in my quiet time with god, and i felt like he was asking me to take a risk, to make a greater committment to him. to trust him, and to stay in Argentina. at this i knew, without a shadow of a doubt that although i may not feel called to be a preacher, or maybe even a missionary someday, God still has a calling on my life; and as a christian i'm called to be obedient to that calling.
In my quiet time there, i made a promise to god, to take that leap of faith to take his hand and trust that what he has in store, can only be good. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." and so i fall back on those very words. and trust that god will protect me.. and help me to grow in my time here.
to all those who are keeping up with me, your time, your love and most of all your prayers are so very appreciated. I send love to you all wherever you are at this time and hopefully be able to converse with you soon. Blessings to all.

Everyday is a NEW day <3

Praise god today is a new day. although things are still challenging my emotions have stabled out, and i'm adjusting more and more as time passes. I'm still not entirely convinced this is where i am intended to be, but none the less.. I'm holding on. i've decided that god has a bigger plan for me than i'm able to see..

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails" PROVERBS 19:20<3

Thank you to all who are keeping me in your prayers! i love and miss you all! i am so truly blessed to have such a wonderful family, and such supportive friends! :)

I've taken some photos of my house for you all to see sorry i didnt do this sooner! enjoy!

1. half our bedroom. my bed is the yellow in the middle we have 2 bunk beds and i'm in the middle on my own :)
2. our closet! (its a disaster! 5 girls! too much stuff)
3-4-5. our one bathroom! our toilet flushes the other way and has no seat! :-/ not too found of that haha
6. our kitchen! and some of the staff and students :)
7. our dining area/ classroom towards the back.
8. a flag we made it says Youth with a mission and i dont know the bottom haha :)
9. where we wash our clothes( BY HAND :D )
10. our line to hang them
11. the boys room
12. Jucum= YWAM and Cordoba is the City i am in. This is painted on the side of our house.
13. youth with a mission :)
14. my house from the outside
15. the office area
16. the street i live on!

P.S. the pictures uploaded backwards so the pictures start with 16 and go to 1. sorry!

Challenging times..

Being here has been quite a struggle for me so far. i'm continually battling with the idea of whether this is for me or not. being so far from home, and having hardly any communication with the people i was with on a daily basis has challenged me greatly. learning to entirely cast my weaknesses and my fears upon the lord has been a blessing, however i am human, and i still struggle with the idea of the fact the i feel like since the lord is not in a physical form... its not the same.
although things are so very challenging... for now, i'm holding onto my dream. To serve god in every way possible, no matter where i am, and to continually love his people.

Yesterday we went into the city and toured a bit since we havent left our house/school much. i havent taken any pictures of the house yet but i do have a few from the city. since we live in a large city and there is some danger, we have to be careful with our cameras. its important to not come off as "rich tourists" or you are going to end up without your money camera and any other merchandise you thought would be a good idea to show. people are robbed here very often. so we time allows, i try and sneak a few snapshots.

Hola mi amigos!! :) (hello my friends)

Hello from Argentina, today is the 2nd day i have officially been an Argentine, and i am adjusting to my situation as time passes we had supper at 8 and it is now about 10:40 i have to head to bed soon but i thought i would briefly explain whats been going on. i've had a day and a half of school now and we have just established our mission statement/ verse we decided to call our own for this Discipleship training school

"i will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean" Ezekiel 36:25-27

I really like it and look forward to what god has to show us all through these words, and through everything else he has in store. i have so much more to say however no time tonight. i will be updating in the morning. love you all. <3 blessings.

Briana
p.s. i will be posting pictures in the next few days of my house inside and out :)

Traveling to Argentina

And so my adventure begins. My goodness what a start I’ve had. Today is the first day of my trip, and I’ve hit a few road bumps to say the least; but as always the lord is faithful and I shall continue on my way. My flight was set to leave from Minneapolis at 11:15am I arrived at the airport around 9:15am to find that I had no ticket on record. After much scrambling and many phone calls I was able to figure things out by about 10:20am and headed to my gate. Once Running through the airport to make my 10:45am boarding I was told that my flight was cancelled, and would be delayed until 2:40pm! Oh the frustration. Thank you to my amazingly faithful friends, Alma and Donald <3 3 you two warm my heart and were so supportive through all my tyrants. Thank you for being strong in my teary goodbye; I love you both incredibly. So my new Schedule is set, Leave Minneapolis at 2:40pm and arrive in Dallas TX at approximately 5pm, where I will have a lay over until 9:10 pm. I will then leave from Dallas to Santiago Chile. I will arrive at 7:30 am, and have a 5 hour layover until 12:30pm where I will depart to my final destination; Cordoba, Argentina J. I will arrive at 3:25pm. Praying for safe travels, and for strength. Thank you to those who have help me get this far already, blessings to you all.