What you cannot take..

i am posting my last 2 blogs, they're both very important to the other, love and blessings to you all, Briana

Morning of 10.27.09
Once again I feel I have so much to say but am at a loss for words. Not to worry I always seem to make ends meet as you can see J. Class was good today we once again had a guest speaker/teacher. Her name is Vivianna and she is from the Buenos Aires Base here in Argentina. We are currently learning about the renewing of our minds in god. Taking in that world vision we learned about and putting it into practice. Its been good but yet challenging. My accomplishment for today has been successfully saying my weekly bible verses in 3 languages; although it is extremely short, I’m very proud of myself; german, English, and Spanish. [[Genesis 1:1]]
This morning in my quiet time with god I decided not to go to my hill, instead I stayed in my room and just prayed for awhile and waited on god, I’ve had a few questions for god lately, just in general about my personal life, where I should stand on a few matters and I feel he hasn’t been very clear with me on what to do. So in my quiet time I quietly uttered under my breath lord, maybe I’m asking the wrong questions.. All I know is I feel I truly need your answers... at that I just waited. Praised god, to the best of my ability, and thanked him for this opportunity to be in his presence.
As I sat there I felt god showing me an image of me and the other students writing down all the things that we hold so tightly, our own dreams, wants, desires, aspirations.. My list wasn’t very long by any means but described my hearts desires so vividly… a husband, many children,family, the dream house, and of course all the animals that will live with me and my large family in my large dream house. after writing all these things down, we were asked to crumple the paper up and throw it into a large bin… where they were all burned.
In that moment god revealed his heart to me. What he was trying to say to me in my vision was so clear. He was asking me to die to myself, to my own dreams and to follow him; no matter what the conditions. Maybe I’ll never have the dream house, maybe I wont live the comfortable life I want to live in the United States, but one thing I’m sure of is.. I will no matter what, have god. I’ll be the first to admit, that this is still challenging me tonight as I sit here and write this blog. I’m yet to surrender this all to him, but praise god for the revelation. I’ve never realized how selfishly I’ve so tightly held onto these dreams, and never made way for god to speak to me about where HE wants me, or where HE has called me to be.
Being open and willing to that is something that has greatly challenged me, up until this day I had my mind set on..returning to the united states, and serving god in the comfort of my own country, my own state, my own city.. however, god is asking me to open my heart to what may lie ahead. Whether its in another country or not, goodness I wish I knew.. Unfortunately god didn’t reveal to me the juicy details.. Just the heads up to be prepared. Praise god for this alone though. He is truly good. So to all those reading this, your prayers at this time for an open heart for me would be most appreciated, for strength as well, and also to see his plan through eyes of understanding, through …his eyes, and not my own. Blessings to you all! Thank you for thinking of me, for keeping me in your prayers and for the encouragement as well!

EVENING OF 10.28.09
To all who are reading this, I feel blessed to have my words to give you, blessed to breath my air I’m breathing and blessed to once again, be in the presence of god. What a day, Today… October 28th, 2009. My heart is heavy and I’m fighting to find the words to start this.. Explanation of my day. I woke up this morning feeling gods presence heavy on my heart, I didn’t sleep well, and I havent for the past 3 days, something just hasn’t been settling right in my soul. I’ve consistently had nightmares the past 3 days, which is a whole other topic but anyways, back to my morning..
I have breakfast duty this week so I went into the kitchen, helped make breakfast, ate my breakfast and went back to my room. Not that special of a morning really. From 8 till 9 is my quiet time, for me and god.. I decided that today, I was just going to stay in my room and pray. I sat down on my bed and I felt like god was urging me to make the list of all the things of this world that I’m bound to, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually..the list he had so vividly shown me in day before in my vision My list was unfortunately long. Full of things that made my heart ache. Things that greatly challenged me in my day to day walk with Christ. I sat there and prayed over my list asking god to help me surrender each and every one of these things I had written down on that piece of paper. As I explained in my last blog I had a vision of all of us burning these things we were bound to. So, I decided I would burn my paper. I got my paper, grabbed my ipod, grabbed a few matches and decided I would head to my hill.
Before I continue I need you all to know that the purpose of this posting is to DECLARE GODS GLORY and not to show his unfaithfulness to me, or his “weakness” by any means. God is good, and I’ll stand behind that, for the rest of my life,no matter what the conditions
I walked down the street, my hill is 2 blocks away, I got a block down the road and turned, there was another man walking down the street towards me, probably around 19 or 20, 5’9, dark skin, dark hair, he had a blue sweatshirt on, and curled up jeans.. He was also wearing black nike tennis shoes. I’ll never in my life forget him, Never. Sometimes, when you see someone or something, it just doesn’t settle right with you, but if you’re me... you shake it off.. I mean.. why would anyone want to hurt …me? his eyes pierced my heart, he had such an awful look, I just.. I cant even explain to you how unsettling it was. I quickly continued past him, looking away and avoiding anymore eye contact. I got to the end of the block and turned back to make sure he wasn’t behind me.. he was nearly 2 blocks away by then… no where near.. Me. I continued on.. Walking up the front of my hill.. I walked down the other side just a bit to catch a glimpse of gods vast city he has blessed me with… I began to cry out to god, surrendering every word on my list.. I only got to number 2... out of probably 10 things.. As I stood there, I verbally declared to god, “lord, I‘ll go where you want me, I lay down all the desire of my own heart, my life…is not my own. I HAVE NO FEAR…IN YOU.” …verbally… crying these things out to the lord.. and suddenly …
his arms were around my neck and my stomach… at first I thought it was one of my classmates playing a joke.. I turned my head to catch a glimpse of who it was and I was punched across the face.. the reality of the situation set in.. he had followed me to my spot, to my secret oasis with the lord.. I frantically struggled to get away from this oh so familiar figure… and he threw me to the ground…I have never had a fear like this in my life, I’ve never been so…so.. Frantic. I screamed and I fought.. And goodness.. Did he fight back.. He repeatedly hit me.. Over and over, This young man, came to rob me, rob me of.. The worldy materials I would so willingly just hand over if I knew that’s all he wanted. He ripped my headphones from my ears, in attempt to steal my ipod, which I did not realize was what he wanted.. In attempts to protect my body from more abuse I rolled to my side on the ground and reached to pull my ipod out of my pocket.. he ripped it from my hands, and kicked me as hard as he could in my stomach…and ran…
I struggled to catch my breath, by the time I got up, he was nearly 2 blocks away.. blood was coming from my mouth, I was covered in filth and had but seconds to react. I started walking back to my house, in a complete daze, so fearful of everything.. My insecurity of the world set in, and I frantically began to run back to my house.. As I arrived.. I stumbled in shaking with fear.. I fell to my knees…and began to weep. he robbed me of so much more than an ipod at that very moment, he robbed me of my security, in my faith in others, in my trust… my classmates flew to my side. Did there best to console me and began to pray for me.
As I wept in fear, I looked to the lord and said, “I need you to show me you‘re here, I need to know I‘m gonna be ok.” we prayed.. And prayed.. And prayed… One of my classmates turned to me and said.. “Briana, the enemy is attacking you, because he sees the power you have with god, he sees the great things you can do through JESUS, and he‘s going to do everything he can to stop you, because he fears you .” What a thought, the enemy fears…me? In this very morning the enemy came to rob me of my peace, of my progress in the lord, and of my joy. He came to put me in the box I came in; my box of fear. My box that told me to go home, to give up, to depend on the things of the world. Friends.. Family.. I’m here to tell you that the enemy failed. God is good, I would relive it all, for the love that I feel from christ tonight. the overwhelming agape love I’ve never experienced..
I’m scared, I wont lie to you. I’ll probably never go back to that hill again I do see everyone as a threat right now, and I’m terrified to leave my house. But god is good, and when he says go, I’ll go. I’m human I have my fears as well but I also stand on something so much greater than my worldly fears.. Which is the love of Christ Jesus my Savior.
My greatest challenge now is to pick up the pieces, dust off my shoulders and march on; to do exactly what I said I would do, moments before he came for me.. NOT live in fear, and live to serve. tonight I’m doing my best to embrace the love of god, to march on, and to be brave, because nobody ever said doing the work of the lord.. Would be easy.
Friends and family, I need you tonight. I need you to pray for me, that I have strength, that I have peace in my soul, and most of all that I come to a point of healing. I love you for being here with me in prayer tonight, I love you for fighting this spiritual battle we have here lying in front of us. Thank you. truly.. Thank you. Pray for that young man, for his salvation, that through this god may minister to his life, that he may stumble upon something amazing, that he would have a radical revelation.. Of gods love.

Again, I love you, I thank you and I wish many blessings upon you all, Briana Kay Santana.