Missionary...

For those who follow my blog, forgive me for not keeping up, for not writing more, last week was a challenging week for me; in a good way. It was a much needed “stretch” in my faith. After being attacked, I was faced with overcoming my fear, faced with learning how to have the capacity to love the like the lord does, and most of all regain my stability. However I believe the Lord has provided away through all these things for me; God is good, and will always be my sole provider. This week I am in San Francisco Argentina, we are on a short term outreach, with 4 students and 3 staff. Although in Some ways the week hasn’t been too challenging, in others.. it has.
We arrived here Tuesday afternoon and have been staying in a Church. A few families donated some mattresses for us to sleep on and some food as well for us to prepare during our time here during the week. The first day here we had a small group at the church with about 15 others. One leader and one student left to go to a elderly ladies house while the rest of us stayed behind to lead the group. As always evangelism is my weak spot. In general its not so much a problem but the language barrier often times defeats my confidence in the lord that he can pull it all together for me. God really open my eyes to a lot of things that very first night; he started with changing my own heart and my own mind and in result I was able to affect others.
We broke up into 3 groups of 5, each student was to lead a group. I cant imagine what these 5 people in my group were thinking… maybe something along the line of, “good lord, is there a reason why we have an 18 year old from the U.S. who barely speaks fluent Spanish, leading OUR group?” and I believe the lords response was probably something like.. “my POWER is made PERFECT in weakness” 2 Corinthians 12:9. My group started off a disaster, I had to give my testimony; which is something that challenges me enough let alone in English, can you imagine what its like in Spanish? my group barred with me… surprisingly. Afterwards we discussed so many different things but mainly we interceded for each other, we lifted up each others lives to Jesus, and just asked for answers to questions; while praising god at the same time for our very short moments together.
Over all, my group did well. Surprisingly it did not fall to pieces, god spoke volumes to me that night. He challenged my heart in a way I havent been challenged, he helped me realize that I am solely his tool, that he is the one doing the challenging, the changing, the “soul surgery” in these people, I’m just the nurse standing beside him, doing what he asks me to do. For the first time in my life I was able to delight in my weaknesses; for god made something so beautiful out of my short comings. To be honest, I was quite impressed with the lord, how well he could use me, how his timing was so perfect throughout my entire group, every time I had a short coming, he filled in the blanks.. he spoke through me, or spoke through others.
What most amazes me is how much I live In the flesh; how terrible it is sometimes how human I am, how quickly I forgot the things god is doing in my life. After our wonderful night of small group I went to bed around 12 am and awoke around 7 to have my quiet time with god, I was frustrated because although the night before had gone surprisingly well I questioned god, and why he would bring me half way around the world to learn something I could learn in a DTS in the united States, or even more questioning why he would take me to another hemisphere to lead a small group of 5 people?! Once again god had a big lesson for me to learn in a small situation. After my quiet time with god, we had our devotional with the team, my leader, Germen suggested that we ask god what his challenge was for us for the week here. It was our second day in so we had time to experience a little of what it’d be like the rest of the week and ask god in what area of all this I needed to work in.
I took this Idea with me all through my day and during one of our service times we were cleaning another church in the city; I of course had the bathrooms as I always seem to have them J ; this never seems to be a problem for me though, I really don’t mind cleaning them, the only thing that gets me is picking hair out of the drain GROOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…. J so to my mother, I have something to say.. “for all the times you picked my hair out of the drain, forgive me this is truly a task of love<3 and I‘ve come to realize that every time you picked my hair out of that nasty drain you did it because not only does it disgust you, but also because you love me J ” so thank you mom, and I’m sorry you had to do that, I promise from now on if I use your shower I’ll pick my hair off the wall and out of the drain : D. Back to my time in the bathroom, I was scrubbing the floors when I asked god, how I could be.. More challenged this week; or in what aspect did my mind need renewing. God was pretty clear with me, it fell back on that idea that I felt that I still couldn’t understand why I was here…
I felt like god was asking me if he had ever not provided a way for me, or ever led me astray.. I pondered for barely a minute and it was simple to come to the conclusion that, no, the lord had never failed me. The question didn’t fit right away with the next idea that god gave me, the idea that had been in my head since the moment we arrived; that the acts I was doing were small; things not completely necessary. When I stumbled upon this idea, I realized what I had done, I had underestimated the lord, underestimated how truly important every little aspect of each person, of each moment, of each inch of this world is to him. how could I even begin to question whether or not God truly wanted me here? This is when the first question was put into perspective with the other part of my revelation. If god had never failed to provide for me, or had never led me astray, why was I so quick to be of the flesh, and doubt that this is truly what god wants; for me to be here doing the things that I see as..small.. Or unimportant.. I then realized what my challenge was for the week. God wanted me to see the importance of every moment and to see the importance of every life. God was challenging me to say anything… because saying something is better than saying nothing, because he put me here to help his people, to be there crutch, to be the part of the bridge they’re building between themselves and god. This was quite a beautiful revelation. I had no choice but to believe that these acts were not small..
As I swished my wand around the toilet I declared to the lord in that intimate moment in the bathroom with himJ.. that I believed if he could move mountains then I also believed that he could make a change in this city, in these people and most definitely in this very place in which I stand, in this church.

To all my beloved family and friends, God loves you, you as well need to believe that if god can move mountains he can make a change in me and you as well. I love you all, miss you terribly and am praying for you! Blessings!

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD; I WILL BE EXALTED AMONG THE NATIONS. I WILL BE EXALTED IN ALL THE EARTH. [[PSALM 48:10]]